Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
