I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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