Umm I'm too high to move.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize