You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
