what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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