I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
