Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
