Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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