I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize