One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
