i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
