my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize