He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
