This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
