I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
