He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
