I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
