Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
