oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
