your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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