i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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