Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize