I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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