Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
