who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
