if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
