This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
