i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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