these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
