yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
