hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have fence marks all over my body
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
