I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
