I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
