too bad you live with your parents still
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
