oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
