She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
