I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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