I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
