My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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