There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
