opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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