I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize