There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
