over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
