whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
