check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
