He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
