i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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