I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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