I can tuck mytits in my pants
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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