It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
