Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
