i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
