It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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