Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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