I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
