Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
