I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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