And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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