She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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