I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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