Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
