oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
