Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
