I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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