guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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