You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
