Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
