Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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