When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
