I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
