just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The struggles of a small town man whore
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
