Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
